The Opposite of love is not hate; it is indifference.
It’s a person’s indifference toward you- an innate inability to put anyone before himself or herself- that cuts the deepest. Hate, anger, resentment, can be handled because it at least means the person feels something toward you; that the individual feels enough toward you, thinks enough about you, to actually be angry.
However, when an individual uses you to fit into his or her plan while it is convenient or just beneficial, when a person accepts you and asks you to stay and be with him or her while getting what is desired out of the relationship; but then gives up, walks away, and does so without any concern for how it affects you in the end—that is humanly unforgiveable. It is humanly unforgiveable because it is the true opposite of love.
Relationships are not meant to be one-sided and to come and go with what is most convenient or easy for someone. Relationships are meant to be built on giving and taking, loving, crying, fighting, and helping the other even when it isn’t the most expedient for you. You will never get everything you hope out of a human relationship. The other person will always let you down in some way. Nearly every relationship asks you to give up something for the other person sometimes. If you can’t accept this about relationships, you will spend your life without real friendships and without real closeness.
Using people will always hurt the user the most because in the end, he or she will be alone. Through God’s grace, faith, and hope, the used can and should forgive. But they won’t and shouldn’t forget. The user will run out of people to use and when this happens, he or she will be the one hurt by how he or she hurt others in the past.
I want to be more than this…
I want to be more than this despite it all and I will make sure that I am. I have so much to give in relationships. I try so hard and give so much. Often this becomes a weakness as I undervalue what I give to others, who I am, and what I’m worth. But I’m learning that this can be different. I can—and should—expect more in return for what I give in relationships. Relationships shouldn’t be 70/30 or 60/40 all the time (although sometimes they most certainly will be). But they should average out to a 50/50 give and take between myself and someone else. At times, I might give more when the individual needs it. But I should know the other will give more when I need it too. Others cannot expect me to be perfect and discard when they see I’m human; this is not acceptable behavior.
I have given so much in relationships which has not been appreciated or returned. But from now on, those I have relationships with will appreciate, return, and care. If they don’t, they are not real friends. I have so many friends that are good and are there for me and who love me for me. The next man I date will do the same. I’m not settling for being treated poorly or just okay anymore. I don’t treat others like that; so, I will not accept that treatment from others.
I love others and I love myself. It is weird to make that statement, but we all need to learn how to say those words. God has made us all amazing. Thus, from this day forward, I will treat myself with respect, others with respect, and better myself as Faith tells me I should. I will give to others, but not continuously while they refuse to give back. I’m better than that– we should all be better than that– and I’m not alone at all.
— Written by Sandy Heights