Emptied

This is for me

Realizing what I need

This is to you

Who were never the lead

 

I don’t want you anymore

You’re in my past

And that’s more than enough for me

It didn’t last

And that’s not what I need

 

This isn’t to say

I will be begrudging you now

And not to say that

But you should have known how

 

This isn’t to an awful person

But you didn’t treat me right

I won’t give you excuses

For what you didn’t fight

 

I was willing to wait

But you said it was time

If you weren’t ready

You shouldn’t have wasted my time

 

I know you didn’t mean it

And I don’t think you planned it

But you should have handled it

Instead of handling nothing at all

 

You did let me fall

And then you pushed me

Back on the ground

When I was yet willing

To pretend you actually regretted

What you saw

 

This isn’t about revenge

And it isn’t about rubbing you in the dirt

It’s about saying that I

Won’t settle for another jerk

 

I won’t hold onto what

You never really were

Because the dream I see

I know can be

 

I don’t know what your point was

And I wish you could have just left it alone

There’s no winning in a race

Which is begun but never finished

 

I’m sorry it was all just a little too hard

For you,

When you knew all along what

You would simply have to do

 

I’m sorry I was honest and

That I can’t trust that you ever were

But God knows no one should be lied to

And that no one should be shoved aside

 

I’m sorry you fell to your own expectations

And that you managed to lower mine

I’m sorry you gave up

When I had really believed in you

 

I’m sorry you decided a phone call was too hard

When I hadn’t asked for much at all

I’m sorry you couldn’t just understand

When I told you what made me fall

 

I’m sorry you all too willingly built a wall

And I’m sorry that I couldn’t stand

Shouting through mortared bricks

I’m sorry you never came to hold my hand

 

You could have done so much better

I believed and told you, you would

But you simply didn’t want to

So I guess there isn’t much else to say

 

I’m sorry I tricked myself

Into thinking that maybe

I had thrown something good away

But you had really already thrown it away

All I did was tell you to throw it out like a man

 

So now I am finally

Taking the trash to the dumpster

For You made it clear

That recycling wouldn’t work

 

I still have growing and learning to do

But I have figured out what I don’t want

There are many features to it

And now I know that part of it is you

 

I’m sorry I had to write this

But I needed to get this out and away

Don’t think I want you back

Because I am moving on today.

 

My trash can has been emptied

My leftovers are all gone

I’m starting with a new plate

I have a new chance to make things right or wrong

 

Once again, I’m sorry I had to end it

But I don’t care too much for walls

As for this poem, I’m not sorry I have to end it

And I’m glad to walk away from the walls

 

This is the time when I am quite all right

This is the time when I have more figuring out to do

This is the time when I am quite over you

This is the time when I am glad I stayed up to write.

 

–Written by Sandy Heights

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