In this season of joy and gratitude

I find it hard to describe how I truly feel.

I love the sights of family and friends.

I am grateful for the distraction of our hustle and bustle

And the opportunity to focus on more than you.

But within these quiet nights,

I find myself returning to the moment when I lost you,

The choices that could have– I wish would have– been changed,

The minutes that felt like seconds but weighed down on me like days;

I return to the very moment I realized there was nothing I could do.

And so how do I describe a season

That at times still feels filled with joy,

But which has laced that joy with grief?

How do I express gratitude

When what I loved was taken away?

How do I capture a holiday

Within words that will never be enough

To describe what I lost that day?

–Written by Sandy Heights

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